I still hadn’t come to terms with what I wanted to attain in life, sure nirvana is a cool enough concept, but where was it gonna lead me? What I loved about the drive was the open road, the wind in my hair, and the amazingly strange people I met and the stories that unfolded. Every dawn was a new story, a new character waiting to unfold and a new reason to live on. And writing, it had always been my passion, and getting compensated for what I love just added more pleasure to the unwinding.
I’d met so many people along the way more insane than sane, and believe me you, crazy was not the word. Makes me think, if being loco was the new sane. I’d always felt that this was the only way I could sustain. For someone like me who’d always been a loner, who’d always wanted to shy away from strained relationships. Even in a room filled with my best mates I’d feel bemused. And this, this never ending trip was perfect, relationships never grew long, people never got on your nerves or vice versa and no one loved you to hate you.
Along these rides, many times I’d fall in love, momentary pleasures. You had to; it was the law of the nature, those waterfalls, the long open roads, the tender cold nights. The scenes just made you fall in love. But sooner or later the music would just fade away. The intoxicants, they took me to places I thought never existed. They’d taken me to heaven, hell and beyond. We’d danced naked around the fire, free as the wind. No qualms or sad stories to tell, no start or end point to contemplate.
I’d made friends along the way, people who’d hitchhiked all their lives. They would come and go, some stayed, and some found people, places, and reasons to stay back. And others joined, in search of their portion of nirvana. I dint find it too hard to make friends, and it wasn’t too hard to get by for the first two years. I’d my backpack full of my savings of the past 6 years. I’d been a successful corporate executive, but one day it hit me. For how long, how long would I lead this mundane life? Suddenly the faces, they dint mean anything anymore. What they preached was utter gibberish to me, what they sold, I wasn’t buying.
Jesse, my wife, I feel sorry for having left the way I did. But this was always bound to happen with our dreams and aspirations always clashing, it was bound to be a freefall. She was building her castles in the sky, and I wanted to escape, from reality, from all the strings. I’d send her postcards from every city I visit and she’d tell me tall tales about her new found boyfriend or her new set of heels whenever she called. Got to appreciate one thing about the woman, she never cried, she never succumbed to depression, she always found something to clutch on to.
So I decided, to leave, everything of what I had made of the past 26 years. I bought the car of my dreams, and headed away from that place called home with nothing more than a camera, my laptop and dreams that scorched the sky. I wanted to do it all, jump off a cliff, swim with the dolphins in the ocean, listen to silent harmony of the night, to write...............
Sitting at my desk now from my broken down shack, sipping scotch I gaze at the wide open lake, looking for inspiration. I feel this urge to see myself in the mirror, it had been a while. I rummage around all the debris that lay around, through the clothes that lay around. And finally I find it; it shines too brightly that makes me shy away. I muster up the courage to pick it up again. It’s crooked and dusty; I find a piece of rag to wipe it clean. It works, the mirror, it always works. I don’t remember for how long I stared at the man that stood before me. He looked old, and ragged, I gust out circles of smoke from my cig. I marvel at the grey circles that form. The mysterious shapes they always amused me. I breathe deeper, until the smoke engulfs me. A gentle breeze caresses my face and I turn to see the big green lake glimmering under the sun, inviting me. I dart directly towards it, and I plummet, hoping, it would wash away all my sorrows and sins. The instant you soar, those few seconds before you crash into the bitter blue, you feel a sense of calm. And then it strikes you, it hits you hard and you mellow down, deep into the waters. It’s calm again, I shut my eyes and I see a wide open road, it’s under the water, it’s all green, even the big blue sky is now green. I see a person standing at the end, far away, I start walking to him, it’s hard but I know I have to see him. But he keeps stirring farther, I start running as quick as I can, with all the strength that was embed in me and then he turns.
His eyes shining, his face radiant, he’s happy, he’s smiling. It was me from another epoch.