I walk through yearning fields
I see people
I feel their sorrows
With nothing more than a broken down camera
I capture the moments
That’d be forever lost in time.
I’d ride straight
Into the shining sun
On the road
I wake up to a mad rush of silence, I can see the commotion, I can see the horror in their eyes, but none can I feel. I’d been riding high on hash and barrels of whisky and beer. At times I sink into this darkness, when I feel that the whole world is trying to swallow me, all the sorrow in the world, it engulfs me. The night it only adds to the misery, I must have been driving at well over 100 miles per hour...Driving straight for that big red wall.
People say I was at the hospital for over 2 months, with more than a month in a coma. But I survived it, I’d surpassed it. But I promised myself that I wouldn’t do it again, it was just not the pain that bothered me, it was the dependency, even if I had to go to the loo I had to depend on those strange people with white frocks. They smiled at you when they delivered pain, they watched you sink into silence; they gazed at you growing old. I’ve always hated the feeling, having to use a crutch.
The accident did come with its fair share of side effects, I’d been scarred in my face, my beautiful face was nothing but a broken mirror now, but I’ll have to confess that many admitted to having found it a turn on. I had this never ending shiver in my left hand, which forced me to keep it in my pocket at most times, not a way to attract girls I must say. And the medicines, they just wouldn’t work which meant that I had to be drunk almost all day to ease the pain in.
But they gave me dreams; beautiful enticing dreams which made me ride, made me write. At times they appeared in different colors, blue and violet and bright green. I envisioned people; they were all glee, bare and dancing. Some told me stories of horror and courage.
The Red trance
I fiddle with my car keys, trying to bring the engine back to life. I look around and it’s barren, for miles to come. The wind carries the dusts of the wandering spirits. Finally the engine, it jerks, as I thrust the throttle and off we go again. There’s nothing else in the world I’d love more. Cruising away, in my red 1967 Pontiac Firebird, leaving everything behind. Driving adrift, with no destination to seek, letting destiny find me.
It’s been over two years since I’d started living this wild fantasy of mine. To see the world, to meet new people, let the world change me, to attain nirvana, search for my true calling. I’d watched the world through this narrow window all my life. Now, I dint want a sneak peak...I wanted to experience it for myself, I wanted to see it for myself, and I wanted to live it!
I’d lost my way over and over again...I tried finding my back...But it was always too darned hard. And this time … I had no destination, no looking back, and I dint care if I got lost...As long as there lay a stretch of road ahead of me, and a bright ball of fire greeting me.